The section in this week’s readings that meant the most for
me to delve into was the death of one’s parent (page 625). I was born in 1983, and both of my parents
were born in 1946, making them almost 69.
I remember growing up I felt like I had the old parents, especially
until I got to college. All of a sudden
(perhaps the distinction might be the mature setting and education) I noticed
new people I met here and there had parents that might be in their late 70’s
now. My mom was 38 when she had me, and
I am now nearly 32. I am nowhere close
to having a family.
I have
complained plenty to my close friends about my parents over the years, but the
truth is, I don’t know what I will do when they pass away. I, like most people, love their parents,
flaws and all…… They are both in great
health, my dad is still working as a pharmacist, and my mom pretty much keeps
him in line and spends her days with their young Corgi. My older brother actually moved back home to
get his accounting degree. My parents
might not be in the best shape, but they are definitely mentally and physically
active. My mom even this past year took
up yoga.
Our book
describes that when a parent dies, often surviving children redefine their
relationships. To me, this seems code
for: you will fight over who gets what, and will try to maintain contact after
dividing assets. But I am rather
cynical. My dad is an undiagnosed
hoarder (he gets upset at having to get rid of anything, even an old (like 20+
years) leather sofa with the cushions falling apart) so ultimately, if he
passes away there will be so much stuff to go through. He has a thing with magazines, newspapers,
really, any media. He keeps old
keyboards, monitors, computers, printers, etc.
I have had a hard time getting him to let me reclaim some of my
belongings that I have brought over for storage the past decade or so.
Another
thing our book describes is the loss of one’s mother when a woman herself is
pregnant. I mentioned above I am 32 and
am nowhere close to starting a family (pretty sure I want at least one
child). I think currently my greatest
fear is not having a child in time for my mom to meet her grandchild (and in
full capacity so she can actually remember and enjoy). But you can’t force having a child (well, you
can, but I am going to wait at least until I am 35 and certain). Another huge fear I have is not knowing as
much about my parents as I would like. One example is I have 2 brothers, but I had
another brother who died before I was born, complications with eye surgery (or
something like that). The last time I
asked my mom about it was when I was 8 or 9, and she got choked up, so I haven’t
brought it up since because no one wants to make their mom cry.
The last
paragraph in that section describes feelings after a parent dies. One might accept their own mortality better,
and realize that they themselves aren’t immortal or invincible. Another feeling might be a relief that their
suffering is over. In addition, if the
parent suffered a lengthy illness (the book uses Alzheimer’s as an example),
the parent-child relationship can decrease, and when the physical death occurs
it might feel like a second death.
I
appreciate the idea of end of life being thought of as more of a thread, but it
doesn’t make it any less sad to think about.
One thing I am thankful for is that I really do see a lot of attributes
of both of my parents in me, which when I was younger I denied and was
horrified by, but now I have learned to embrace and accept. I think it will help me to stay connected to
my parents even after they have passed on.
