Blog 10 Week 10

            The section in this week’s readings that meant the most for me to delve into was the death of one’s parent (page 625).  I was born in 1983, and both of my parents were born in 1946, making them almost 69.  I remember growing up I felt like I had the old parents, especially until I got to college.  All of a sudden (perhaps the distinction might be the mature setting and education) I noticed new people I met here and there had parents that might be in their late 70’s now.  My mom was 38 when she had me, and I am now nearly 32.  I am nowhere close to having a family. 

            I have complained plenty to my close friends about my parents over the years, but the truth is, I don’t know what I will do when they pass away.  I, like most people, love their parents, flaws and all……  They are both in great health, my dad is still working as a pharmacist, and my mom pretty much keeps him in line and spends her days with their young Corgi.  My older brother actually moved back home to get his accounting degree.  My parents might not be in the best shape, but they are definitely mentally and physically active.  My mom even this past year took up yoga. 

            Our book describes that when a parent dies, often surviving children redefine their relationships.  To me, this seems code for: you will fight over who gets what, and will try to maintain contact after dividing assets.  But I am rather cynical.  My dad is an undiagnosed hoarder (he gets upset at having to get rid of anything, even an old (like 20+ years) leather sofa with the cushions falling apart) so ultimately, if he passes away there will be so much stuff to go through.  He has a thing with magazines, newspapers, really, any media.  He keeps old keyboards, monitors, computers, printers, etc.  I have had a hard time getting him to let me reclaim some of my belongings that I have brought over for storage the past decade or so. 

            Another thing our book describes is the loss of one’s mother when a woman herself is pregnant.  I mentioned above I am 32 and am nowhere close to starting a family (pretty sure I want at least one child).  I think currently my greatest fear is not having a child in time for my mom to meet her grandchild (and in full capacity so she can actually remember and enjoy).  But you can’t force having a child (well, you can, but I am going to wait at least until I am 35 and certain).  Another huge fear I have is not knowing as much about my parents as I would like.  One example is I have 2 brothers, but I had another brother who died before I was born, complications with eye surgery (or something like that).  The last time I asked my mom about it was when I was 8 or 9, and she got choked up, so I haven’t brought it up since because no one wants to make their mom cry. 

            The last paragraph in that section describes feelings after a parent dies.  One might accept their own mortality better, and realize that they themselves aren’t immortal or invincible.  Another feeling might be a relief that their suffering is over.  In addition, if the parent suffered a lengthy illness (the book uses Alzheimer’s as an example), the parent-child relationship can decrease, and when the physical death occurs it might feel like a second death. 

            I appreciate the idea of end of life being thought of as more of a thread, but it doesn’t make it any less sad to think about.  One thing I am thankful for is that I really do see a lot of attributes of both of my parents in me, which when I was younger I denied and was horrified by, but now I have learned to embrace and accept.  I think it will help me to stay connected to my parents even after they have passed on.